Sunday, May 22, 2011

why me? why now?

A lot of people have said that they can't believe this is happening to me. It shouldn't happen to someone like me. I'm too young. I have a little boy to take care of. Well, I agree. But I also believe this was supposed to happen to me. So here are my answers to "Why me, Why now?"

First, the "why me" part:
  • I come from a long line of special women, women who are fighters in their own right, women with good hearts, but tough when they need to be, women who don't back away from a challenge, and women who have faith.
  • I have my own personal nursing staff. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a coincidence that my brother married an oncology nurse practitioner. I also don't think it's a coincidence that my closest childhood friend is an operating room nurse who could hand pick my surgical team, or my two cousins have experience in navigating health insurance policies and chemo. 
  • I have always been a pay it forward kind of gal. From my perspective, I would love nothing more than to help others in the future, and I have found a unique way to do that.
  • I really have always wished for a smaller upper body anyway. I will be able to buy button down shirts without an issue! Imagine that!!!
  • I am hoping that I have loved enough people that there is plenty of love coming back to me to carry me through this. I am learning that I may just be right.
  • I have a truly good husband. He's going to have a rough go too, but he's stronger than I think he realizes, and has gotten through plenty of crap before and always makes it through. I have no doubt that this experience will be the same.
  • Unknowingly, we raised our son to be flexible and comfortable with lots of people. I am so grateful he is not solely attached to me. That means his world will not be completely turned upside down while I go through this chaos. One less thing to worry about!
As for "why now?":
  • I have a two year old son who has no idea he's doing so, but is motivating the heck out of me. When people say I can beat this, I say "I know. I don't have a choice." I'm a mommy, and mommies have to keep going no matter what!
  • I work for/with phenomenal people. There were various reasons that this could have been different. But I am where I am meant to be.
  • That wonderful nurse practitioner sister in law of mine only joined the family a month before I was diagnosed. I haven't had a chance to royally piss her off yet! ;-) 
  • My surgery is at the end of June. I do not recall the last time I had 6 weeks of no work in the summer. Better now than the middle of winter.
  • It was no secret that Steve and I were considering having a second child in the not too distant future. Thank God that didn't happen. 
  • We were in the process of gathering what we needed to apply for a variance to build a third bedroom on our house. Thankfully, the diagnosis came just before we moved forward with those plans.
  • My aunt works for a company who has a self-exam aid which helped me to know what I found when I found it, and has been so supportive in their outpouring of well wishes and support to her and to me.
So why me, why now? Because it was meant to be, and because I know I can do this! I am blessed--- crazy though it sounds.


  1. I know you can and will do this too!! Love ya! Jackie

  2. Your faith and perspective continue to amaze and inspire, Sis! Love you!

  3. I want you to know that I am behind you and support you 110%. The prayers will never cease, and the love and support that I have for you will never, ever cease. You are a phenomenal person, and friend, who has taught me so much. You can and you will beat this!!! Keep the faith. If you ever need anything, ever, please don't hesitate to call upon me. I want to help in any way that I possibly can. Many blessings to you. :)

  4. The only thing for me to say in response is "Voila!" We said a prayer in Notre Dame for you on Friday, went to twelve o'clock mass at Sacre-Couer on Sunday and lit a candle for you in a medieval church in Provins, France today. Aunt Sandy said 'give that baby a kiss for her and put lipstick on or he won't know it's from her. Love you.

  5. You are amazing & so inspirational! Yes you can do this! Love You! Denise