#1. it's a pretty blatant reminder that even though so much has changed, so much more is coming down the pike. I will be on disability soon. That's hard for me. Much of my job depends on being in the loop. Knowing what's going on and who the players are. Being out for a long stretch is tough and a little scary.
#2. Co-workers are slowly becoming more aware of my circumstances. It's kind of awkward. I prefer that people know. However, it means people fall into one of three categories. Those who know directly, those who have heard second hand, and those who have no clue. Those who know directly have been wonderful. They have been kind and compassionate and supportive. Those who know second hand are probably the most awkward. They tend to say nothing to me, but look at my boobs as I walk towards them. Hey, they don't look any different yet folks. You can't tell they have cancer in them by staring at them. HELLLOOOOO. Ah, it might as well be high school all over again. And those who don't know yet, I feel bad because they do find out and then feel terrible. And it's hard to watch people who are just starting to wrap their heads around the news when I am further down the acceptance process.
#3. Well, it's work. I am extremely grateful to have a job, especially in this economy and in my circumstances. But as I always say, they pay you for a reason.
#4. It takes me closer to important answers. I have tests and results coming this week. If they are good, then I want them. If they are not, I don't want to know. I want to stay here in this Sunday night where everything is doable.
On that note, I'm going to get some rest. I am certain this will be another long week. I'll sign off with lyrics from a Kenny Chesney song I love:
The Preacher told me last Sunday mornin'
"Son, you better start livin' right.
You need to quit the women and whiskey and carrying on all night.
Don't you want to hear him call your name when you're standing at the pearly gates?"
I told the Preacher "Yes, I do, but I hope he don't call today." Are you ready?
Everybody wants to go to Heaven.
Have a mansion high above the clouds.
Everybody wanna go to Heaven, but nobody wanna go now.
Said, Preacher, maybe you didn't see me throw an extra twenty in the plate.
There's one for everything I did last night,
and one to get me through today.
Here's a ten to help you remember, next time you got the good Lord's ear.
Say-I'm comin' but there ain't no hurry
I'm havin' fun down here. Don't you know that-
Everybody wants to go to Heaven.
Get their wings and fly around.
Everybody wanna go to Heaven
but nobody wanna go now.
Some day I wanna see those streets of gold.
Get my halo.
But I wouldn't mind waitin' at least a hundred years or so...
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