Despite the fact that I feel like I am living in a dream, life continues to go on. And I am grateful for that. I need to feel normal, even if it's for 10 minutes, or 3 hours. I need to reconnect with NBC (nicole before cancer). She was a cool chick. I miss her, but I catch glimpses of her now and then. She was pretty carefree, focused on everyone else, laughed and smiled a lot.
The first time I saw her was when my darling older cousin/big sister Donna dropped her cell phone in a toilet and was unable to contact the outside world. She was in a tizzy and frantically facebooking the outside world from a conference in Philly. If you know my Donna, you know why this made me smile. Life was still happening, and it was good.
Another time I saw her was tonight, spending time with the fabulous Baker women. It's impossible to feel sad when surrounded by such vibrant people! Celebrating Erin's upcoming birth was the break from "reality" that I needed. I needed to laugh, have a little wine, and just focus on something wonderful. I was initially hesitant as to whether or not my presence was appropriate at the shower. Like I would be a rain cloud hovering over something so sunny. But I went anyway, and I believe that it didn't rain. It's was very sunny (and pink) in that room tonight. and it was happy and good. And NBC definitely made an appearance.
I can't wait to see her again.