Friday, July 15, 2011

this is what bugs me about cancer (ok, one of the things)

It's an ongoing, seemingly never-ending battle. Yesterday was a great day! I did a lot, I felt good.  It seemed like things were on the up and up. Today was rougher. I guess because I was as active as I was yesterday, I was flat out tired today. After Steven left for school (thank you Jami!), I passed back out for 3 hours. I planned to take an hour long walk, and clean the bathroom today. The energy just wasn't there though.

Then I woke up to a minor issue with the tissue expanders. I won't elaborate other than to say it's nothing detrimental, just annoying. Oh, how I look forward to the exchange surgery. That's the final reconstruction. Everyone tells me that is much more comfortable than these damn things. The way my nurse described the expanders is to imagine square ziplock bags filled with water hanging out under the muscle. Lovely image! UGH!

I did end up having a lovely time with my cousins for lunch and later my wonderful friends for dinner. God help me, I am not getting on a scale tomorrow. I am going to pray for energy to work out! I guess my point is, I can still manage to enjoy the rough days. So that's good news.

I hate that cancer is something that you just battle and battle. I hate that you never quite know when the next curve ball is coming. I am not a control freak by any means, but sometimes, rolling with the punches just gets old.

But, I will keep on rolling because rolling is the only way to get anywhere. I can't move forward if I am standing still, now can I?

Oh, and here's my tip for the day:
Cancer patients, don't ever assume it's a safe day to wear non-waterproof mascara! It's never safe! You never know when the emotion will sneak up on you. Or perhaps, when you will receive an awesome message from your brother that will make you a bit weepy, and make a mess of that non-waterproof kind.

Chemo count down:
2 weeks to go!

Other miscellaneous time facts:
Monday will be 4 weeks since the surgery.
This week is 10 weeks since diagnosis.
If all goes well, chemo will be but a memory in 18 weeks.

The point is, time goes quickly in cancer-land. It's important for staying ahead of the game mentally. Before I know it, chemo will be done and I will be wearing my shirt!

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