Wednesday, July 6, 2011

do what you gotta do.

My thought has always been, I don't care how difficult the recovery is as long as it will give me the best outcome. I don't care what they have to do to fix it, just fix it.
I have come to find some interesting things during this process. It's very interesting to me that the doctors all seem to feel that they need to convince me to do the best thing. By that, I mean, I have noticed that they basically expect me to push back on their rcommended treatment and come into appointments ready for a debate. One that they do not encounter.

For example, when discussing the mastectomy as an option, they all seemed to think it was the right choice for me, but were afraid I was going to grab one of their heavy medical books and chuck it at their heads for even suggesting something so radical.

Then the other day, I asked my surgeon what she thought prognosis was for me post surgery. She looked panicked and quickly responded "well, you still need chemo". She relaxed when I said I knew that already. I guess some people choose not to go aggressive, and figure if they do the surgery, they can back out of other treatment. In my mind, this was never an option. Even from before my diagnosis was confirmed, I knew I was going to need chemo and was ok with that. Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to feel like I have the worst flu ever for 4 months, but what's the alternative? There really isn't one.  Living is the only alternative.

My fighting spirit was fueled tonight in a happy way. If you have been reading along, you know that one of my main concerns/fear is being a good mommy to my sweet boy through this nonsense.

Steve and I have noticed how beautifully he is handling this "adventure". He's very gentle and concerned with me, while remaining his happy, silly self. Well, as I was putting him to bed tonight, he smiled sleepily at me and said, "you're the best mommy ever!" Ahhh bliss!!!! And a key reason to fight this beast with everything I've got: for my precious boy and my whole family.


  1. you are a wonderful mommy and an even more wonderful woman!! Jackie

  2. Nic,

    I loved holding your son in my arms yesterday. It was a fulfillment and an affirmation of what you and I had talked about on that bridge in the park in Nutley 14 years ago about how we wanted our lives to turn out. Be strong friend....God never hands us more than we can handle...I'm here for you.


  3. I truly believe you are a wonderful mommy, and a wonderful woman and friend. I also believe with my whole heart that you will get through this with flying colors!!!! I have been 'out of touch' with my computer for a couple of days, but you have never been far from my thoughts and prayers. I am here for you too, if ever you should need me. Never hesitate. I am thrilled, and very proud, to be a part of Team Nicole. Gentle hugs always. Love too.