Monday, July 18, 2011

"somehow we win out"

I want to start my post with a quote: "My philosophy of life is that if we make up our mind what we are going to make of our lives, then work hard toward that goal, we never lose - somehow we win out." -Ronald Reagan, president and co-survivor of Nancy Reagan, a 30 year breast cancer survivor. 

Here's my goal. To be a long-time cancer survivor. One who when people hear my story, they smile. One who gives hope to others who fear the worst. I take strides every day to improve my health. I figure, if I work on my overall wellness, it can only help me achieve my goal of being cancer-free and living as a survivor.  Today, I walked for an hour and sweated my ass off (even before the heat peaked out there.) It felt good to be so strong. I'm tired now, but that's ok. I will recover and keep pushing on.

Today, I had my "managing worry effectively" seminar. It was good session, but yeah, I still worry. I do think I am getting a little better about managing it. And there were quite a few techniques in there that I already do (T and J, I actually learned a few things in the stress management class at TCNJ. Imagine that!). I did pick up a few new tips though. I found it funny when a few of the ladies commented how brave I was for sharing my journal online. To me, it's been so helpful. First, I get the emotions out. Second, the feedback I get from people fuels my soul and motivates me to keep pushing forward.

I did enjoy my foray into the wellness community. There are some wonderful people there. I intend on continuing with the program. I thoroughly enjoyed talking with the director, who told me several long-time survivor stories. Oh how I love them.

I do however think that as wonderful as the session was, going to a wake the same day may have lead me to take a few steps back. I've said it before, but wakes are different when you are fighting cancer. Especially when the service is someone who died of cancer, albeit different than what I have. Thankfully, there were survivors in the room who made me feel better. And there were some wonderful family members who I just chatted with a bit which helped me not to spiral to a dark place. And the good news is, my salt water boobs survived a million hugs at the funeral home. And that branch of the family has some solid huggers. Whew!

I have one more person whose memory I have to fight for now. A person who didn't even have a chance to fight. I will beat this for you! The only thing I cannot do is wear a Yankee shirt in your honor! Instead, I'll just vow to take treatment like a champ and beat this beast. Hope that's good enough.

1 comment:

  1. Nicole,

    Thanks for your tribute to him, for neing there for us, and for allowing me to be one of those "huggers". You're determination and attitude has been a great source of comfort for those of us who've been kicked by this insidious beast. (BTW - I really tried not to hug too tight!)

    Stay strong and don't sweat the hair thing - if I can make it look good, I'm sure you'll find a way to look amazing!

    Hugs (albeit soft ones)!