Monday, July 25, 2011

a new 'do and meditations

Today, I picked up my wig. One more hurdle down.

I was a bit sad to do it because of what it means. However, the wig itself is great. The color is perfect. It's an exact match to my own (minus the grays I have been letting grow in), and the style is really cute. If it wasn't for the fact that I was getting it because my hair is going to be gone in about 3 weeks, I would be thrilled. And I know there will be mornings when I am getting ready for work that I will be loving the style without having to do anything for it. If I could only forget the part I am sad about.

It's a little strange and surreal to me: to think that later this week, chemo starts. Time goes so quickly in cancerville. I can't believe it's almost here. I am ready. I want to just get this over with and poison the hell out of any cells floating around, poison my fears. 

This afternoon, I attended a wellness community meditation class. I found it humorous that because I was running late (as always) I was stressed out getting there. Once inside the room, that melted away. I followed the meditation facilitator's lead, and embraced serenity. It's quite funny, we ended up focusing on a healing place. She described it as a garden, talked about a healing sunlight, etc. Somehow, my soul ended up walking the grounds at Disney World, predominantly, the Polynesian Resort. I guess my spirit is just looking forward to this all being behind me and celebrating in the happiest place on earth.

At the very end, we got an Angel affirmation. Mine said this, "You are at the end of a cycle in your life.  Call upon us angels to comfort you, and to guide you to your next step.  Happiness awaits you now.” Now, my slightly paranoid self read it, and at first only saw "You are at the end of your life" and damn near had a heart attack. Then I read it again, and instead saw "happiness awaits you". I interpreted it this way: I am starting chemo this week, which is going to be the end of any cancer cells in my body. I will leave behind the fear and the disease, and I will be on to a healthy, amazing life. A life which is not taken for granted, one in which I can help others, provide hope, and inspire. A long life that makes a difference in more than just my "small" immediate friends and family (and yes, small is a relative term). 

Chemo is coming fast and furious! I feel the train gaining momentum. The schedule for this week is MUGA (heart scan) wednesday. Then on Friday, the poisoning of the cancer begins! BRING IT!


  1. Poison it ... stab it ... strangle it ... destroy it ... and kick it to the curb! Then I'll back my truck over it for good measure. Can't wait until you are in Disney texting us photos of the three of you having a blast. But for now, I am here for you as you fight the next phase of this battle. Love you!

  2. Take a deep breath, the waiting of the unknown is the hardest then after Friday it will be a countdown. You will feel ok and say to yourself, this wasn't so bad, I got thru this only a few more to go. It goes fast!!!!Keep doing what your doing! XOXO

  3. Many healthcare prof state: Positive attitude is the reward in beating Ca and if anyone is more positive than you, I'll like to meet them. Your strength is your reward and you will meet this bastard head on and it will be better than winning the lottery...God Bless