Wednesday, August 10, 2011

G.I. Jane

Well, I did it. I took the plunge and buzzed my hair. As Jackie called it, "I embraced my inner GI Jane". Rather fitting for a girl in battle, a warrior in pink.

Carol came down this evening to do the deed for me. We both handled it well. I didn't cry until much later when I was taking a shower. Having so little hair for the shampoo stung my heart. It was one of the times where I really allowed myself to shut down the strength for a bit and just let the emotions pour forth. It was time to mourn the loss.

It's amazing the dichotomy of emotions that came along with tonight's activity. On one hand, I feel embarrassed and self-conscious. On the other hand, I feel empowered and like a goddess. I am angry and hurt that I am forced into this hair loss situation, yet I am proud of myself for taking the bull by the horns and not leaving it to happen on its own. This is truly one of the most devastating parts of cancer because it's the one that forces me out of anonymity and into the spotlight as a cancer patient. There is no denying it now.

There are a few interesting discoveries that come with having no hair. First off, I really look like my brother Frank. I had no idea, but I have his same head shape and hair line (well, at least for now until it all comes out). Secondly, my eyes are kind of cool. They can stand out on their own with their warm brown color, and don't need hair to bring them out. Thirdly, so far, my little ski cap is the currently the most comfy of my head covering choices. I need to stop crocheting that blanket and get to work on some cute little hats. And finally, I need some cute dangly earrings to help spruce things up a bit. Time for a little shopping I think.

In all honesty, this was one of the toughest hurdles emotionally to date. But I did it. Now it's time to move on and not look back.


  1. Congratulations on crossing that hurdle! I know how tough it was. I also know how beautiful those eyes are, glad they are getting noticed.
    Oh, one more thing...thank God it is Frank's head and not Dad's that you have (that could have really been a problem).
    Keep smiling...Keep shining Princess.
    Your Momma (and Pop too)

  2. Hair or no hair, you are and will always be this beautiful special woman. With you warrior like strength, you will survive and be victorious in your battle. Love you, Mom "M"

  3. "They say that time takes it's toll on a body, makes a young girl's brown hair turn grey. But honey, I don't care, I ain't in love with your hair and if it all fell out well I'd love you anyway" - love me

  4. You are amazing. I was very nervous cutting off your hair, and when I got there, you were like well lets do it. I could not believe your attitude. Made it so much better for me. Just like everything else you faced. I am so proud of you, you sure are a inspiration to me. I am so proud to tell everyone you are my cousin,(sister really). I love you.

  5. Love the Randy Travis Comment by Steve!

    Sorry about the Frank thing! Ha! Although he did have those nice Head Shots from those early acting days - remeber the leather jacket! He looked like the Fonz!

    Please excuse - once again when times are tough I turn to my favorite past time - making fun of Big Bro! - Lova ya, Chris (as if you didn't know)

  6. Ditto on the Randy Travis Comment by Steve. Sent me into a full blown congestion cry. I really need to start reading the blogs in the morning so I can breath at night.

    You are and have always been beautiful inside and out and I am in awe at your strength and courage. I can't wait to see you and give you a huge hug!