I found this quote last night while reflecting on my situation. It resonated so clearly with me that it inspired its own post. It's so easy to get caught up in the rip current of fear when you are fighting cancer. One negative thought fosters another and it's slippery slope. I have been working on controlling the thoughts as they were running away fast and furious lately. It is so counter-productive, but apparently very common in cancer patients. Someone told me yesterday that it is ok to view my diagnosis is a trauma. She's right. I often overlook that it's a big deal, but in fact, it's a huge one. However, becoming a cancer survivor is a bigger deal, the very thought inspires me.
What I have found about treatment is that it can push you to your limits. It is equally taxing physically as well as mentally. The best analogy I can use to describe the treatment is to compare it to the dementors in the Harry Potter books. It literally feels like it is sucking the energy and happiness right out of you. The only way to combat that (much like the book) is to drum up your very own patronus charm. It's not easy, but you dig deep and pull out every happy thought you have, and you can defeat that demon. It takes strength to remain positive. I find it odd because being positive is something that usually comes so easy for me. So I guess this is much like "Advanced Placement Positive Thinking". Well, if could handle Sr. Ann's AP History, I guess I can handle this too.
There is much hope in cancer, especially breast cancer. It's certainly well-studied, and very often treatable. And new developments are happening all the time. In my case, according to my oncologist, I should be just fine. Given that, there is no logical reason for me to be afraid. Unfortunately, cancer doesn't dwell in the land of logic, so it requires extra effort. I have made it through enough of a chemo cycle to know what to expect and to know it's something I can survive. Radiation should be a walk in the park compared to everything else, so my real focus is getting through the next 7 rounds. When I think about it, I have to believe the worst is behind me. There is a bright pink future ahead!
I have to remember there are so many wonderful survivors in my world. I am believing and hopeful today that I will beat this. I have my survivor shirt. I am just waiting for the right time to wear it.