Saturday, June 11, 2011

If you want to hear God laugh...

...tell him your plans.

Randomly ironic: that quote is from a song that always reminded me of my Grandmother.

After last week's blown plans, Tammy and I had a good chuckle over "why bother making any plans?" I have always said that God knows better than I do in steering my life's course. I find that when I think I know better than God does, he finds a way to steer me back in the direction that I need to go, regardless of how divergent it is from where I expected to end up.

I had a lot of plans. But sometimes, the go right out the window.

I planned on going shopping after my mammogram on May 3rd.

I planned on being at Tammy's birthday dinner last weekend.

I planned on getting pregnant again, soon.

I planned on building that third bedroom for that new life.

I planned on going fishing last weekend.

I planned on going fishing this afternoon. 

I planned on getting some good concert tickets this summer.

I planned on buying new bras.

I planned on building up my savings account. 

I planned on redesigning several parts of my company's compensation structure this summer.

I didn't plan on using disability this year.

I didn't plan on becoming a blogger/writer.

I didn't plan on ever having implants in my life.

I didn't plan on people feeling sorry for me.

I didn't plan on seeing pink bracelets with my name on them where ever I go.

I didn't plan on cancer.

What's interesting is that despite the fact that my plans didn't pan out as expected, I do believe in free will to a certain extent. I just have faith that God will only let us stray so far from our destiny, and then he steps back in to nudge us on to the path we are meant to walk. Unfortunately, my destiny is to be a warrior in pink.

I have a hard time separating cancer from the rest of my life right now. The good news is, there are parts that are still special and happy. For example, the plans that I was actually able to keep this weekend with family and friends were a good semi-distraction from what is going on. Of course, the topic does come up at least once in every setting, but there are other topics as well, and there is just the enjoyment of being amongst loved ones.

Bear with me as I continue to navigate through the speed bumps  and potholes of life dear family and friends. The road ahead is bumpy, but I do believe there is goodness along that road, and that it leads to a new, amazing, maybe even smooth road.

I just wonder if the surreal feeling will ever go away.

Just one last note, everyone please pray for my brother Frank. He's running a 10 miler for American Cancer Society tomorrow for me over the GWB! Pray that he has stamina and that he stays safe! Thank you Frankie. Love you!

1 comment:

  1. Of course I will keep your brother Frank in my thoughts and prayers, tonight, and tomorrow as he runs that race in honor of you. You will also continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Every single weekend, without fail, I have been writing your name in the parish prayer book at church; and I will continue to do so until you are on the other side-and then I will still do so in thankful gratitude for your survivorship. I will also continue to lift you up in prayer at the hospital too. And in October, I will be doing my own cancer walk for you. I am going to be 100% behind you every step of the way. It won't be easy, but you have the fight in you. Don't give up, I believe in you. You are strong, and you will get through this. It might be hard at times, but I promise you, you will get through this. Love you!!!!