Saturday, October 22, 2011

I'm still me

Sometimes, I have to remind myself of that. My world has been turned upside down since May. We all know that. My physical appearance may be different. But I am still me. I may have some temporary limitations that get in my way right now, but I know they will go away. I know someday very soon, I will feel more like the old me again.

The truth is though, I never left. I do believe I held true to the lyric I typed months ago. They did cut into my skin, and my body, but they did not get a piece of my soul. In fact, I believe my soul has thrived, and blossomed in ways it would not have if I had not been put through trials.

I see now that cancer hasn't changed me much. It just enhanced me a bit I guess. I am open about my situation for the hope of helping someone else. Maybe my sense of humor is a bit more warped. But I still love nothing more than the things I did before. I still love snuggling with my child. Spending time with my family (even though I missed being with them today... It was for a good cause so that I can be there in the future). Laughing and living life with my husband. Sharing stories and smiles with my friends. Just feeling alive.

They say that they chemo drugs can affect the heart. And perhaps they did, but not in the way the clinical studies say. My heart wants to give, to love and to be me. My heart wants to help others. My heart wants to pump blood through my veins as I take in this beautiful, crazy life. I think that those feelings were there, but perhaps dormant until I was awakened by fear. Fear can be a great motivator to remind you to get out and live your life. I cannot wait until the limitations are gone and I can move freely without pain or fog, so I can enjoy life in a new way.


  1. good, cause I'd be lost without YOU :)

  2. I would be lost without you too!!! You are, and always have been, a wonderful friend to me. You are almost to the end of this journey-the chemo; and ready to embark on your new life journey!!! :) Hugs, love, strength, and prayers always.