It is amazing to me that the end of chemo marked not only an exciting time for me in terms of achievement, but it also seems to have affected me in an unexpected way. I feel better. I don't mean physically, I mean emotionally. I don't feel scared like I did before. I am not up all hours of the night. I guess being at the end of that part of the journey has given me the comfort that I made it through that very trying period of my life.
It doesn't mean that the cancer experience is behind me. I expect that will always be a part of my fabric now. But being at the point where I can no longer feel the chemo running through my veins puts me in a freer place. Perhaps it's because I am not afraid of the treatments that are remaining. Perhaps it's because I know that if I survived the past 4 months of chemo, I can survive jsut about anything.
Either way, I am starting to feel the angst of cancer subside ever so slightly, and that is a wonderful feeling. I will be so glad as I continue to be less consumed by it, feeling more like myself.