Tuesday, September 6, 2011

What goes down must come up.

Today was my first day back at work. So much for easing back in. I jumped in with both feet and let's just say that day went very quickly. I did welcome the distraction for certain. It absolutely was a welcome change. The only issue is the pace is much more intense than I recall, probably due to my 2 and a half month leave. But I am not complaining. I am grateful to have the job and the situation that I have.

One thing that amazes me about this whole experience is the wide range of emotions that come into play.  A journey through cancer is way more erratic than PMS or pregnancy hormones. Imagine that!

I am trying to shift my focus back to healing, winning. The week following each treatment is certainly much darker than I am used to, but I do usually come out of it for a bit before the next round. This upcoming round though is different because it's the last AC. It marks another milestone done. I am going focus on visualizing myself hearing the words "you are cancer-free". I am going to will this nonsense to be overwith so I can get on with my life.

I don't want to dwell in shadows forever.

I want to bask in the sunlight without worry of getting dizzy or sick. I want to walk for miles and miles without feeling the strain chemo has placed on my body. I want to sleep at night. I want to not worry that I will miss any of the wonderful life that lives ahead. I want to brush my hair again. I want to be able to diet and eat healthy, not just eat what I can "tolerate" on any given day. I want to feel like me again and not be self-conscious of the changes I have undergone.

Rather than want, I will do these things.

I am going to set my mind to it and keep charging ahead. I know that I have had the best medical care money (or rather insurance) can buy. I know that I am getting the protocols that yield the best outcomes after years of research. I know that I have faith and continue to pray every day. I know that I am the benefactor of many other kind people's prayers. I know that I am a fighter. I know that I am not going to give up. I know that my body is strong and will overcome this challenge. One day very soon, I will be able to say that it's over, and I won. I will be cancer-free, and I will be proud, and I will feel like me again. In the meantime, I am glad to be back at work because it reminds me of what I have done and can do.

1 comment:

  1. You are anything short of amazing!!!! You will be the very best you can be, and so much more. You will beat this beast, and so many will help you to beat this beast. I am preparing for the Komen for the Cure walk. I am walking for you, and for many others who are fighting this beast. You are going to win, and you will be the best champion ever. I am so proud of you. My heart, my thoughts, my prayers, all of my love, and my strength are always with you. Keep on fighting the good fight; because you are going to kick cancer's a$$ and I will be right there with you.