Wednesday, August 14, 2013


It is interesting how the mind plays games on me. In my current chemo regimen, I go every two months for scans. This week is that time again. As I have learned, once the scans are scheduled, the worries start. What will the scans show? Did I do everything that I could have to help the results be favorable? Is the treatment working? What is that pain I feel? Is it cancer? From what I have learned, that is highly normal. However, the interesting part is this, the insecurities don't seem to stop t cancer. The doubts surrounding other parts creep in. Am I doing well enough at work? Am I a good enough wife and mother? Am I going to screw up this presentation I have to give today? Is my job secure? How ugly am I with no hair or eyelashes? Will I ever look like myself again? Am I a good enough friend, cousin, daughter, sister? Do I have enough faith? Oddly enough, these concerns are no as intense as they are with scan weeks. Scan weeks are like dementors. They prey on fears and negativity and suck on your soul. Friday will come quickly and then time will stand still until the results are back. In the meantime, I will do my best to get through with my head above water...

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