Surreal

Today I was back in the 4th floor infusion suite at the John Theurer Cancer Center. This time, I sat in the visitor's chair, as Mom took her first round of Taxol. The good news is, AC is done! Hurray! Let's hope we don't experience the likes of that ever again in this family. Walking around the suite was nothing short of surreal. The sounds brought so much of it back. I am grateful for the opportunity to be here to sit next to Mom as she did so many times for me. I can never repay all that she did, but perhaps if I can give back a little, that would be good.

Yet it's weird. I think some of the nurses recognize me, although I look a little different than I did. Walking around and not being the patient is a pretty strange feeling for me. It's nice on one hand, but it's sad on the other because of course, now I watch Mom go through the same things I did. That part really sucks. No family should have to go through any of this, nevermind twice. I could tell when the Benedryl IV was kicking in for her. I remember that feeling very well. She hit the point where she just needed to rest. She was nicer than I was about it. The first time it happened to me, I told poor Steve "ok, stop talking, I'm tired" and passed out.

My appointment with Dr Waintraub went ok. He would like to do some scans soon which I think will be good. I am praying they bring good news which will be a huge weight off my shoulders. Unfortunately, my surgeon got busy and that appointment got pushed, but that's cosmetic stuff, so it's not a huge deal. When that gets done, it gets done.

Sometimes this all feels like a very strange dream. It treads that fine line between making perfect sense and making no sense at all.