Wednesday, January 2, 2013

I am here and that's what matters...

This one goes back under the category all these things plus  one, rather than stained glass because it’s predominantly about cancer. In the next two weeks, I enter the latest section of my diagnosis. My cancer world is carved up into 3 month chapters that will play out as time goes on. Every three months, they run scans and I get “re-staged”. I will never officially be allowed to come out of stage IV now, but I can potentially get to the ultimate goal of being “stage iv, ned… no evidence of disease” which means we have managed the detected cancer flare up, and I am currently stable. I don’t know if this round of scans will bring that, but certainly, it’s what I am praying for. I want to be medically stable. That would be good news of epic proportions for me. It means the next 3 month chapter of my life will be just a bit more hopefully, a bit more care free. Or, if I do not get my desired “NED”, I will find out what the next plan is. This will be the ongoing process of my life for the time being. But the fact that the scans and the treatments loom will not interfere with my life. I am here. I am not dead, nor do I plan on being so any time soon.

For now, here’s what I want to focus on. I am able to do what I want to do. There is so much of life for me to experience.  I might not be able to make major plans more than 3 months in advance, but that is ok. That keeps me more focused on the here and now which is not a bad thing. It helps me to enjoy living in the moment, something I often struggled to do. I am currently able to work up to my usual standard. I am able to be a mommy to my precious boy. I am able to be a wife to my beloved husband. I am able to be a sister, a daughter, and a friend. I am still me. I am not my cancer. That brings me to a new point. I am considering a new project: one that will bring hope to women in any stage of the disease. I have bounced it off a few people, and I really think that this is something the world needs. More hope for women who have cancer, including those with metastatic cancer. My purpose here is to help others feel stronger and more empowered. I believe I can make a difference for women who need it. If you are a breast cancer survivor (and yes this includes women in active treatment),  and are interested in learning more about the project  please reach out to me. If you don’t have my contact information, you can message me through my book’s fb page: “when life hands you pink lemons”.

In the coming weeks, please keep me and mom in your prayers. Mom has her regular followup. I have scans. Both are anxiety-inducing. Pray for our serenity, and pray for good news. We greatly appreciate it. I do believe God is listening.

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