The way I see it, cancer is just an unwelcome, unyeilding house guest. It came without an invitation, has long since worn out its welcome. It has disrupted my life in countless ways. I think one of the things that bugs me the most is the fact that cancer just gets in the way of everything. I am grateful that I am in a position to be receiving treatment, but it pisses me off that it is interfering with my christmas shopping time, interfering with my ability to enjoy a nice lunch with friends or colleagues. Radiation is going fine, but it's just a big pain in the butt to have to go every single day. 11 down, 17 to go!
It also bugs me that it's going to take a long time for my hair to grow back. I know that sounds vain, but it's not that, it's more the point that I don't look well this way. I can't wait until I have enough hair to not have to worry about having something covering my head when I leave the house. I can't wait to look more human, more healthy. My hair is definitely coming in, so I know all in good time.
Tonight, I am just frustrated and fed up with this whole experience. I had a good weekend. It didn't ruin that, but for some reason tonight, I am mad at cancer... Maybe it's because of the loss of a dear neighbor due to it this past weekend. Maybe it's because you never know when it's going to sneak up on someone you love. Maybe it's because it exists at all. Yup. I think that is it. I hate the fact that cancer exists at all.