Saturday, July 27, 2013

You get used to it...

So here's something I never thought I would say: I have chronic cancer, and I'm used to it now. It will be a year in September since I learned there was the first sign of distant spread. And a few months later, things got worse. It seemed hopeless and horrible at the time. I felt like I was on a runaway train that couldn't stop.

And then I started treatment and added nutritional changes. According to my most recent scan, things were improving. I am tolerating treatment fairly well.  At this point, cancer is a part of my life that is just there. I live with it and life goes on. I often forget that I have cancer and that I am in treatment. And then I wonder why I get tired when I do to much. Or get frustrated when I feel sick. I want life to be completely normal, but it's not like it was before cancer. What I have learned is that is still ok. I am here, experiencing what my life has to offer as best as I can and that's good.

I don't like being limited, but I am learning to incorporate it into my life fairly well. I can't change it, so I learn to make the most of it. It was difficult to accept that cancer treatment is an indefinite situation, but it is getting to the point where I am ok with that fact. I had to shift my mindset. Being in treatment is good because it means there is something they can do for me. That's better than the alternative. And who knows what next great thing might be coming down the like treatment wise.

In the meantime, I try to go with the flow. I know that they can't "cure" me. But that doesn't mean all is lost. And that doesn't mean that I need to crawl up in a ball and hide because it's a crappy reality. If anything, that would end up wasting precious life. Life is good. Yes, even with cancer. It can have some potholes and crappy times, but that can be said with life without cancer couldn't it?

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