Thursday, September 26, 2013

A mish mosh of stuff in my head

I'm awake, so why not write. Let's see, what's going on in my world? Well, I had to come off the study because although the treatment was working great in some areas, we found that a new spot cropped up. Sucks. But what can you do. I have had some time to adjust and am going used to this latest chapter. I am on a daily chemo drug. Learning the effects of a new med is always a challenge. Today, I experienced the oddest side effect. My son's school has fingerprint technology for the security code. Lucky me, my finger prints have officially been screwed up to the point of being unrecognizable. Delightful... Hmmm, I wonder where I can snag some jewels. Anywho, life goes on. Aside from the loss of finger prints I am learning to manage the side effects of this drug. I was disappointed to find that even though my hair grows back on this drug, I feel more "chemo-y". Nausea, fatigue, aches. The usual crap. Although I am noticing a decrease in pain in my known bone mets which is a good sign. That usually means they are taking a bit of a siesta. Always encouraging. Aside from that, it's funny how people view me and my situation differently. Some refuse to think about worst case scenario, which is cool because there is no need. Then there are others who look at me and give me these pitiful expressions like I'm going to drop right in front of them. That ain't happening. For example, working with my doctor, I have lost about 15 lbs to get more healthy. He is aware, and we have monitored it closely to ensure that it's being done in a healthy way. I'm pretty pleased because I needed to lose the weight. I was too heavy.yesterday a coworker looked at me with the sad face and said "honey you look like you are losing weight. I'm concerned." While I appreciate the concern, I'm fine. And trust me, if I want to I can easily gain weight. Give me some pasta on the weekend and it's game on. We tested it. Gaining weight is not a problem for me. It's not the cancer that is causing me to lose weight, it's its the 10 servings of fruits and vegetables, thank you very much. Sigh. Being the girl with cancer is weird. I answer a lot of questions that I don't mind answering but wish I didn't have to. I face a lot of things that I don't wish on anyone. A dear friend said to me how brave I was to get the tattoo. I chuckled and said that it a nothing compared to the other crap I have faced... And I meant every word of that. I'd get a whole crazy sleeve done if it meant no more cancer. But alas, it's not that simple. Anyway, that's just a snippet in the day of the life of th girl who has cancer but doesn't want to be defined by it. On one final note, Steve and I have declared our boat a cancer free zone... No worries other than finding our markers and figuring out how to park the darn thing. Life is good. And life isn't cancer.

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