Tuesday, October 16, 2012

So we meet again cancer...

A month ago, my greatest fear became a reality. The cancer was back. It took up residence in the form of a small spot on my spine. I am not going to lie. That fact really pisses me off. This stupid disease doesn’t deserve a second chance, but it got one anyway. Well, that makes me a “chronic cancer patient”. Such crap! Oh well. Now I just have to deal. The good news is, I get access to medication that I wanted but wasn’t qualified to have previously. It also means that I get scanned every three months for the rest of eternity. The good news there is that should some sneaky little cells try to stir up trouble somewhere else, we should be able to nip them in the bud quickly. This is not where I wanted my life to go, but I don’t get to choose my path. I just choose what I do along the journey.

Being me, of course, I decided that I just would have to work on a second book. It’s already in the works… But it will take time for me to write as I have just dipped my toe into the stage 4 pool, and have much more to learn and experience before I have enough worth sharing.

I think I have accepted this new development. With the help of Big Pharma, I am able to manage the anxiety reasonably well, and am starting to enjoy my world again. So here’s how I am choosing to look at this. I have many, many blessing in my life. At this point, I have only one curse. That stupid little tumor hanging out on the L2 of my spine. I don’t think that the squeaky wheel should get all the attention. So rather than focus on the 1 centimeter of crap hanging out in my body, I am going to focus on the other 5’ 3+” inches of me. I realize that cancer is going to tag along for the rest of the ride… But that doesn’t mean it gets to sit in the front seat. I’m still sitting behind the wheel. I have decided to let the doctors can work on and manage the cancer. I will work on enjoying the blessings in my life, and keeping the rest of my body healthy.

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