Words...

It has been a while since I have written a post. Althought truth be told, my writing has continued during a seemingly black out period, just in a different medium (or two). The well of words has yet to run dry, so I needed to find a new vessel to hold them. That's not to say that blogging hasn't been a wonderful experience. By all means, it has. But I wanted to do more.

In the last few months, I have gotten several projects under way. They are all now in varying stages. The first, which is complete and will be published in Copin with Cancer magazine in a few months is an article called "a cancer survivor can..." The second is the spawn of the early stages of this blog: pink lemonade which is a book about my experience with breast cancer and tips for future survivors. The third came as a result of much encouragement from several people. It's a collection of devotionals. If you are not familiar with that format, it's a faith focused style of writing that takes bible verses and reflects on how to apply them in everyday life. It has been a particularly exciting project for me. And last but not least, is a one-act play called "family history". The first draft of that is complete and is in the capable hands of my discerning editor, also known as my big brother Frank. With any luck, we may just be fortunate enough to see my words brought to life in Chatham next summer. Fingers crossed that the selection committee deems it worthy!

So let's recap: 1 article, 2 books currently totally about 95 pages worth, and a one-act play.

Certainly is a lot of words huh? Poor Steve, sadly for him, my writing doesn't mean I am any less chatty.

Robin Roberts

I had the tv on in the background today, and Robin Roberts graced the screen. Just a few days after going public with the news that she is now facing pre-leukemia as a complication from her breast cancer treatment, she is nothing short of vibrant! If you didn't know her story, you would never know what she was facing. She simply is amazing and inspirational. I pray that God gives her what she needs to beat cancer again!

When Mary J Blige complimented her on being a pillar of strength, she brushed it off and said "hey like my mom says, everyone has something they have to deal with" and she continued on. She was smiling and energetic... That shows the strength and grace that we all wish we could have. I imagine she must have such internal struggles. She spoke about the fear and emotions earlier in the week, and then spoke of faith and gratitude! She's got exactly the attitude I aspire to.

Robin, please keep being amazing. You have no idea how awesome you are to someone one like me. I will keep you in my prayers. The world needs more positive role models like you! Thank you for sharing your story.

A survivor can...

A year ago at this moment, I was settling into my new life. The cancer had been removed, and I was adjusting to my changed body, newly released from the hospital post surgery. Seems appropriate to reflect on a change in my mentality since that time.

I remember thinking when I was diagnosed with cancer that my life was irrevokably changed. I was right. But not in ways that I would have expected. My future felt limited. In time, I understood that it wasn't. I thought that being a cancer survivor was something to be afraid of or sad about. Rather I realized it was something to be proud of. I learned early on in my survivorship that there is indeed hope in cancer: hope for a cure, and hope for making the world a better place.

I was curious to learn what cancer survivors can do, so I did a little research. Here's is what I found out. A cancer survivor can become a professional athlete. A survivor can make their dreams into a reality. They can run marathons and win races. Cancer survivors can hold political offices. Cancer survivors can climb Mount Everest. They can hike the Grand Canyon, jump out of planes and go ziplining. They can compete in the Olympics. They go on to have families. A cancer survivor can earn a degree or shape young minds. Cancer survivors can win Grammys, Oscars, and Emmys. They can write New York Times best sellers. They win Nobel prizes. A cancer survivor can serve on the US Supreme Court. A survivor can beat cancer more than once. A survivor can treat and cure other survivors. They can run into burning buildings and save lives. They can run Fortune 500 companies, and invent technology that changes lives. They can help others. They can spread awareness. A cancer survivor can raise millions for a cure or touch the life of just one other person.

A cancer survivor can find meaning and beauty even in dark times.

A cancer survivor can go on to live a more fullfilling life than perhaps if they were never diagnosed.

A cancer survivor can (and often does) make a difference in this world.

Stronger

I know several of my recent posts have reflected on where I was a year ago. The comparison between this year and last year is striking. Last may I focused on preparing for a double mastectomy. Today, I participated in the spring lake 5 mile race. A year ago, I never would have found this possible. Today, it was more than possible, it was a reality. 5 miles was no joke! Especially on a morning as hot and humid as today. But I kept thinking to myself that I was able to get through chemo, I could surely keep going. And I did. I reminded myself how blessed i was to physically be able to participate. My health and well being is no longer something I take for granted. With the support of my wonderful and patient sister in law Eileen, I pushed on and made it happen! I sobbed when I crossed the finish line. The thought of what I had been through in the past 12 months, and the knowledge of how far I have come overwhelmed me. Here's the morale of my story today: we Can all overcome adversity an hard times with determination. Sometimes in life all we can do is keep our head up and keep moving forward no matter how daunting the road ahead may seem. Today, I felt the meaning of start strong, finish stronger.

Life's little detours

It's so funny how when we are younger, we think we have life all figured out. At various points, we set a course and assume that we know where we are headed. But as we sail out, inevitably we will hit choppy waters or a bump in the road. And the plans we had get ditched and we need to find a new way. Often, these detours take us to completely unfamiliar roads, which can be just plain frightening, but perhaps all along these roads were part of our fate and we just didn't know it. I guess the point of living life is to see how the story unfolds. If it were all Preplanned, what would be the point of living it? The story would be predictable, safe and potentially boring. Sometimes these detours open doors and push us to reach potentials we didn't know existed within ourselves. I didn't know I had a writer trapped inside of me. I didn't know that I could be an advocate or a source of hoPe and comfort to cancer patients. I just didn't know that was part of me. Now, because of the detour my life has taken, I have found even more of myself that I didn't know existed. So sometimes change is a good thing. And sometimes opportunity finds it was to crash into us when we ignore it. It seems rude, but really sometimes it's all for the best.

Sweet Caroline

This post is being brought to you from the gym so excuse any tyPos. while on the rowing machine his morning, sweet Caroline came on my iPhone. As most of you know this song has long held a special place of honor in my family reminding us of my grandma Carrie. It made me think of her and smile. Then it's my eyes got misty, I said a prayer to her to guide me. She had been diagnosed wih high blood pressure and I don't know anyone who was More diligent to taking responsibility for her own health. I still admire that and aspire to it. She walked several miles daily, went to church every day, and avoided sodium like the plague. Gid love he she lived a long full and beautiful life. Grandma, may i take mY responsibilities to my body and spirit as seriously as you did. Miss you and love you

God is good

I was blessed with wonderful news yesterday. the scans came back showing no signs of disease in my spine! the back pain has been caused by a couple of bulging discs in my spine... No big deal! I cannot tell you what a relief it was to have a run of the mill health issue rather than something cancer related. It's funny because while on the phone with the doctor's office, and everyone else, the question was what am I going to do about the disc issue. To be honest, I didn't even care. I am fine with the pain as long as it is not a sign of metastatic disease! Who cares... Nothing a little motrin and yoga can't fix...

I pray that God keeps me healthy. As always, I will work like it's up to me, but continue to pray like it is up to him.

I will continue to do whatever the guidelines ask of me. Take my tamoxifen daily, exercise more than 150 minutes per week (which is proving to be easier than I thought), continue to lose weight, keep my alcohol consumption down (although there is a bottle of verdi waiting in the fridge for Steve and I to celebrate). I also will continue my prayerful life.

Onward and Upward! At this moment, I know that my spine is healthy (bulging discs aside). Given that, the sky is the limit.

If you will be joining us on June 3rd at the walk, please do sign up. As this is the first time the CSC is hosting a walk, they are trying to estimate the turn out, and I hope we are light as of today. I am only showing 16 walkers on Angels (although I do know this number will be changing today because I am about to sign up some people who will be joining). I would love for you to share this day with me, but certainly understand that some folks have other commitments that day. No worries. I am hoping this is the first of an awesome annual event.